A few weeks have gone by now, life has been happening around me. Quickly it seems.
I know I have been bad about updating, but to be quite honest, it not the only thing I have been bad at. I believe my second tri energy boost just didn't last very long.
I am having trouble keeping up with everything.
Or even wanting to...as much as I hate to admit it.
So, to update you all, we are currently dealing with a three year old. Scratch that, a sick 3 year old. I love that little guy and it is hard to see him so sick...but it is exhausting! I have found that being three comes with a whole new set of emotions that are new and relatively hard to deal with. We are still adjusting...slowly.
Meanwhile, cuddles and early bedtimes are what our life is made of.
I love my tiny man.
I realized I never updated on our baby girl after I asked for prayer the last time.
We have been seeing the new CNM(s) at the hospital. As great as they have been, I still can not bring myself to be 100% thrilled with the whole hospital thing. My selfishness is standing in my way and I am missing my midwife and the relationship that we had. That being said, I am happy we did make the change.
Our baby girl is still measuring just fine, big in fact. We are still keeping a close eye on her and will be having a second ultrasound next Tuesday. It is a level two ultrasound and I am told that they will particularly be looking at her heart, among other things. We will be meeting with a genetics counselor, which seems a world of weird to me. I know they want me to be informed, but in our case there's really not much we can prepare for. Its mostly just a wait and see.
I go between being terrible nervous and excited. Nervous that they will find something, even though I am not expecting them to. Excited for the chance to put our minds at ease, to stress a little less, to let go a little.
My heart still breaks for my little girl, I am scared for her.
Not because I couldn't handle it if she wasn't textbook perfect, not at all.
Simply because I don't want her to have to deal with anything.
I'm her mama, and I want to protect her.
The realization that I can't help her right now, that I can't fix things for her if they need to be fixed, that's the hardest.
You'll notice the blog is a bit different, it is a work in progress. Yes, I had planned on having it done by now...